Lately, I've really been determined to be the best I can in my relationship. I still find myself struggling to be selfless, forgiving, and so on, in my relationship. I decided to let the Lord direct me through His word. I closed my eyes, prayed, and flipped to a random page in my bible with my eyes still closed.
This is the verse I landed on:
Solomon had a vineyard in Baal Hamon; he let out his vineyard to tenants. Each was to bring for its fruits a thousand shekels of silver. But my own vineyard is mine to give; the thousand shekels are for you, Solomon, and two hundred are for those who tend its fruit.
-Solomon 8:11,12
Solomon could demand rent from the tenants for his vineyard, but the girl had her own vineyard and it was her right to assign it. But she willingly gave Solomon its fruit.
Brian will be the first to admit how selfish I am, and I will be the second and agree with him. I already knew what part of my problem was, which is my selfishness; but I love that God used His word to explain how I should be.
Lesson Learned: In a good relationship, there is no private property; everything is shared between the partners.
♥♥♥
Do not stare at me because I am dark, because I am darkened by the sun.
-Song of Solomon 1:5
This is what the girl that Solomon fell in love with tells him. But obviously Solomon didn't care that she had a darker complexion than most girls, if he fell in love with her in the first place. In fact, he loved her dark skin.
Often I catch myself feeling insecure about how I look and when Brian stares at me, I ask him to stop. Brian always asks why I don't want him staring at me and I guess I just don't feel like being stared at because I don't feel pretty. He calls me beautiful and pretty and cute all the time, and yet I still don't see what he sees. I thought about how Brian must feel about this and I came to the conclusion that he probably feels like his words don't mean much to me when in fact they do. But I should start accepting his compliments and listen to the sincerity in his voice instead of letting insecurities get the best of me.
Lesson Learned: Take compliments that others give you, feel good about yourself, and believe the good words that come from others [not discouraging words]. Let others build you up. You are a child of God and he lets others see what you might not see in yourself.
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Tell me, you whom I love, where you graze your flock and where you rest your sheep at midday. Why should I be like a veiled woman beside the flocks of your friends?
-Song of Solomon 1:7
So not only did she feel insecure about how she looked, but she didn't feel too good about being alone while Solomon was at work. She found security in his presence.
Lesson Learned: When you can't feel secure when you're on your own because your husband or boyfriend is out, whether he be at work, with his family, or with friends, you must trust in his commitment to you. A relationship should be built on genuine love where you don't have to fear the worst because you trust.
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She: I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys. He: Like a lily among thorns is my darling among young women.
-Song of Solomon 2:1
She compares herself to the common flowers of Israel to say that she is nothing special. But Solomon states otherwise by saying she is a "lily among thorns" as his "darling among young women". He encourages her and compliments her.
One of my favorite things about my relationship with Brian is when he or I are feeling down in the dumps, we give each other encouraging words.
Lesson Learned: Always encourage your significant other. Build them up and show your appreciation for them. This is such an important part of being in a relationship; expressing your love for each other. Too often, we get "used" to each other and our compliments come fewer and fewer because we just expect our spouse to know how we feel. But hearing these encouraging words everyday allow your relationship to blossom all over again every single day.
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Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.
-Song of Solomon 2:15
These lovers wanted anything that might cause a problem for their relationship to be removed. "Little foxes" can become big problems in relationships.
Sometimes we discover irritations or annoyances but choose not to discuss it in order to avoid creating any problems. We all know that little problems ignored turn into big problems that can't be ignored any longer.
Lesson Learned: If there's something bothering you, do not keep it inside where it will grow and eventually burst out of you. That's usually how arguments occur and how the little problem becomes big. Also, deal with your problems together as a couple when they need to be dealt with; and do not discuss your problems with others.
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All night long on my bed I looked for the one my heart loves; I looked for him but did not find him. I will get up now and go about the city, through its streets and squares; I will search for the one my heart loves. So I looked for him but did not find him.
-Song of Solomon 3:1-2
Lesson Learned: When you love someone, you will do all you can to ensure the safety of that person and care for his or her needs, even at a cost to your personal comfort.
♥♥♥
You are a garden fountain, a well of flowing water streaming down from Lebanon.
-Song of Solomon 4:15
What Solomon says here is that she is refreshing!
Lesson Learned: Sometimes being with someone for a long period of time can cause us to forget the feelings of love and refreshment that was shared in the beginning of the relationship. Do you refresh your spouse with love, or are you a burden of complaints, problems, and sorrows? Refreshing your partner can be as simple as giving them a compliment or an unexpected gift or surprise, or just relaxing with them and focus on talking about the positive things you love about each other. Your spouse needs you to be a haven of refreshment because the rest of the world usually isn't.
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I arose to open for my beloved, but my beloved had left; he was gone. I looked for him but did not find him. I called but he did not answer.
-Song of Solomon 5:6
She got self-centered and impatient for a slight moment but that caused separation. She did attempt to fix the problem by searching for him but it was too late.
Lesson Learned: Sometimes we let little things bother us to the point where we push our significant other away. We may not mean to do this but it comes from selfishness and pride. I am definitely guilty of doing this. But be quick to forgive and open your arms to your partner! Because even emotional separation can be damaging to your relationship.
♥♥♥
Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like a blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one's house for love, it would be utterly scorn.
Song of Solomon 8:6,7
In this description of their love, the girl includes some of its significant characteristics. Love is as strong as death it cannot be killed by time or disaster. Love is priceless; even the richest king cannot buy it.
Lesson Learned: Love must be accepted as a gift from God and shared within the guidelines God provides. Accept the love of your spouse as God's gift, and strive to make your love a reflection of God's perfect love.
I really enjoyed reading and studying this book. It definitely taught me a thing or two and I hope I was able to give a little insight on how to better any problems you may have in your relationship. I'm still working on being selfless, like I said, and I will keep these lessons close to my heart to help me defeat selfishness.
I hope everyone is having an amazing week!
